Woah there, Hoss!

There's nothin' new here. If you want the real poop, which are all the free SwaG! radio programs you can shove in your ear-hole, go to Swagradio.org.

BIZARRO SwaGio!

Since Bat Guano has been taking numerous Wednesday nights off to do whatever mysterious and certainly unwholesome things he does when alone, he was called into service twice to be the substitute host of Bizzaro Fantastico on Thursday nights. So instead of “regular” host Dirty Dub, listeners were disoriented by Dirty Guano. And the usual fine programing of beautiful and easy listening music became perverted. Go here to hear those two nights from Nov. and Oct. 2008 that shocked a nation, in convenient two-hour long chunks.

VOTE, YOU BASTARDS, VOTE!!!!!

SwaG! HALLOWEEN!

We shouldn’t have let Mr. Guano go on air in his condition. We’re still cleaning up the mess. Tisk, tisk. Such a mess.

Hear the events as they transpired on that fateful night. But! Do not listen if you are alone, have a heart condition, if young children are in the room, or if you have strong feelings toward:

Mental illness. Satanic powers. Murder. Ranting. Raving. Ritual blood-feasting. Don Knotts. Unnatural perversions. Cannibalism. Spike Jones. The dead. The undead. Black metal. Poisoning children’s candy. Edgar Winters. Taboo breakage. Inappropriate cackling. Puppets. Orgiastic goat slapping. Misuse of the public airwaves.

You've been warned. But still, you proceed...

oh no, it's GUANO

This episode of SwaG! proves that host Bat Guano is just not right. Go here to get three hours of weird radio.

This episode is two weeks old. Guano has been taking time off to participate in undisclosed "therapy." He will capture the SwaG! Halloween Special and make it available for your festivities by the end of Oct. 30. Unless he's shot in the head when mistaken, understandably, for a rabid zombie.

Bat Guano's Fireside Chat

Apparently Bat Guano had been having fever dreams about a coming economic collapse and the U.S. presidential election. And this SwaG! shows it.

But in these troubling times the people of the world find comfort in a soothing voice and beautiful music. SwaG!: Three hours of radio to help you pass the time on the breadlines. So go get you some.

Bat Guano Heralds the Long Emergency

“Green Slime was about the greatest hour of radio ever tonight.”-- Kap’n Karl of rock combos Fortune and Maltese, The Sinatras and New Real People.

Since he had to, when driving to the studio, dodge flooded streets in a city that never sees such floods, and because of the collapse of America’s financial system, Mr. Guano took on an edge of paranoia in this broadcast. He proclaims that non-voters are “losers” and does a read-back of songs in overly dramatic fashion to James Bond music.

The first hour is a combination of abrasive and weirdly sweet, like pumice stones in pistachio pudding. Green Slime is entertaining with its set of doom and destruction and anger. The last hour starts off with banjo music and works up to KISS and Spike Jones.

Go here to get three hours of recorded broadcast radio.

This SwaG! is Dedicated to the Memory of Jackie Vernon

We almost forgot to post this week’s SwaG! because nothing exciting happened during its broadcast.

Well, that’s not exactly true. A frequent caller to the program, who is often highly intoxicated judging from his slurring, called in an agitated state due to the fact he was listening to SwaG! and watching the Democratic National Convention at the same time. He called to curse incoherently our former president, William Jefferson Clinton, and his notable wife, Mrs. Clinton. He then pledged allegiance to the Weather Underground. We called Homeland Security (two weeks in a row!), and played the Art of Noise’s “A Time for Fear"...

There is a point to all this, maybe. Maybe it has to do with three hours of previously broadcasted radio.

Bat Guano Doesn't Like People

Early Wednesday evening someone called the radio program and asked to hang out in the studio.

Bat Guano told them no. He doesn’t like people in the studio. He doesn’t like being around people much at all. You can tell he has a hard time with basic human interaction, from listening to the first hour. He begins SwaG! as a children’s show starting with the disturbing “Uncle Pockets” by Danny Kaye, about a creepy old man who tricks children into grabbing for “toys” in his trousers. He plays more music for “children,” but the first hour devolves until he’s got some blasphemous German -- Reverend Beat-Man -- croaking about the “Jesus Christ Twist.” We’re very surprised that he didn’t play any Gary Glitter...

Go here for three hours of previously broadcasted radio.

The Penetrators, "Shopping Bag"

One of the greatest videos ever made. Our culture would be vastly different if MTV hadn't have rejected it.

The Penetrators formed in the mid-70s, got on the New Wave/Punk Rock train, and became the Kings of Basement Rock.

I just got a large chubby when I found that they have reunited, and will be doing a rare show in my town, Kalamazoo, Mich., Sept. 20, part of the UFO Dictator 4.

SwaG! Pays Tribute to the Olympics

To pay tribute to the Olympics Bat Guano went into a jingoistic rant at the start of Green Slime. Then Sparks’ “Beat the Clock” begins what one might assume to be songs keeping to the theme of competition. It’s followed by Buckner and Garcia’s “Do the Donkey Kong,” about the sport of jumping pixelated barrels. Then the Barbarellatones’ “Corn Huskin’ Man,” about the sport of jacking off. Guano segues into a song about corn on the cob, and takes the gold in lack-of-focus. He manages to fit in both Perez Prado and the Butthole Surfers in the set. Such a feat hasn’t been seen since Mark Spitz teamed with the Palestinians to take Hitler hostage at the infamous 1936 Munich games.

You will find this and more in three hours of radio, broadcasted live from beautiful Kalamazoo, Mich., USA.

The perfect ad.

Fun In The Fundus With You!

Bat Guano seemed to be out to annoy people with this week’s SwaG!. From The Reverend Fred Lane to Negativland -- just awful sounds.

Why doesn't he just play good music? Like, he plays Negativland’s “Piece a Pie” from No Business. It goes on forever, and always -- always! -- makes some poor person call. “Is this about over?” they say, a mixture of pleading and anger in their voice....

Go see what this is all about, and hear three hours of radio.

Cowboy Time

At the heart of this week’s SwaG! is the heart of a cowboy, riding on the range, free in his assless chaps.

Clicky clicky for further description and access to three hours of pure radio, artsy to fartsy.

Summer Fun, Child Safety and Astronauts With Bat Guano

As Mr. Guano headed for his car to go to the radio station, he saw a childhood drama being played out at the end of his driveway. Not wanting to back over the children who refused to stop throwing crap at a little teddy bear they’d thrown into his tree, Mr. Guano decided to resolve the situation by climbing a wobbly ladder placed in the middle of the street and waving a huge heavy board in the air as the children scampered below (plus one other child on rollerblades waving two sharpened sticks around for balance)... Mr. Guano has this all recorded as part of the three-hour MP3 SwaG! action here.

A Day With Guano

Two WIDR listeners got the chance to spend a day -- two hours in Guano time -- with Bat Guano for last week’s SwaG!. They got to say “hello” to their friends in Radio Land! They got to pick the music played on SwaG!! They made Mr. Guano die a little inside by making him play Bread!

They also had him play groovy music as well. Listen to the first two hours to hear the hijinx! Listen to the last hour to hear the usual crap Mr. Guano plays on every other SwaG!.

Maybe you would like to spend time with Mr. Guano...

Go see what the hell this is all about, and listen to three hours of Midwestern non-commercial freeform unprofessional radio.

Deviled Eggs and Ham

Another SwaG! radio program download...

Bat Guano doesn’t seem to notice that SwaG! can be an uncomfortable mix of the artsy, the stupid, and the dark and evil.

Last week’s SwaG! broadcast, in the gooey center of Green Slime, had a heart of noir based around a track from the new Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and one from Gallon Drunk, a band that tried hard to be a more-rockin’ Bad Seeds. Then some guy wanted to hear Terminal Cheesecake., the British Butthole Surfers. Mr Guano had no TC, so he included BS in the mix, then went for dark ‘80s weirdness of Sonic Youth and Bongwater. And then the primitive Old Time Relijun. Captain Beefheart. Cheap Trick. Dictators. Ramones. Dogbowl. And jazz...

Continue here, where Mr. Guano talks to The Devil, and we finally give you the linx to the actual sound of the actual radio program.

SwaG! Broadcast at the Beginning of the End-Times

Apologies for the lateness of the posting of the SwaG! broadcast of July 2, 2008. The power had been out. Because of the storm. The lightning. The winds. The floods.

Bat Guano gathered recordings in his private collection in the dim light that filtered through the devastation. The sound of the tinkling water flooding the basement caused him to pause.

“I should stay here to protect my home and my woman!” he declared.

“No! Your listeners, your station, your town need you!” his woman responded. “Go! And do your duty!”

Click here for the exciting conclusion and three hours of radio that may almost be as exciting.

Grab Bat Guano's Booty

Here is your weekly SwaG!, the radio program of Bat Guano.

It began as the usual SwaG! for the first hour. And the Green Slime was without incident... and then Mr. Guano decided to comment on this story, “Recording Industry Decries AM-FM Broadcasting as ‘A Form of Piracy.’”

It would seem that the RIAA would like radio disk jockeys to stop playing music for free. You know -- promoting songs, giving artists exposure. It is a stunning reversal from their traditional practice of payola.

The Dr. (of the following program “Rock and/or Roll”) had to clean the mic off.

If you wish to hear Bat Guano rant, or just want to hear his unique mix of punk rock and ragtime hits, go here. You will also be tempted to steal (listen to, for free) the radio program, but don't do that.

I Am A Superstar Of International Proportions

I, Bat Guano, have been recognized by the international web blog PCL LinkDump as worthy of being one of their bloggers. So I have blogged. Internationally.

New SwaG! site, recording

The SwaG! web site re-imagining is taking shape. Featuring recordings of last night's radio broadcast, and bondage pictures. Click here to see the new SwaG! and things.

Stick SwaG! In Your noizePod!

The Recorded Output of SwaG!, June 4, 2008:

Part one.

A listener sent us this photo during the first hour of SwaG!.

GREEN SLIME.

Green Slime paid tribute to the founding father of rock and roll.

Part three.

As always, we saved the very, very, very best for last in hour three.

Listen to it.

SwaG! "podcast" of May 28.

Part one.

A surprisingly upbeat first hour, summery and surfy. Then we somehow end up playing Zappa's "Wonderful Wino:"

I went to the country
And while I was gone
I lost control of my body functions
On a roller-headed lady's front lawn
I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man
I can't help myself

GREEN SLIME.

We begin GREEN SLIME with George Jones, "The World's Worst Loser," in honor of Sen. Hillary Clinton. Then we rock out. And slide down some jazz hole. And end with very stupid songs. "I'm a drag strip bum-ba-bum-bum-bum!"

Part three.

We took a trip to foreign lands, but some guy wanted to hear The Crazy World of Arthur Brown's "Fire," so things took a turn. Somehow we ended with Brian Eno.

Bye, Bo

Every type of raw hard-edged rock started with Diddley.

"Bo Diddley, who has died aged 79, was one of the most important influences in the development of popular music, even though for much of his career he was seldom in the charts or in the recording studio."

SwaG on the DL

About time. After computer problems and bad shit getting in the way, we have a new SwaG! PODcasT! ready.

This is from April 30, the one I declared to be the worst SwaG! ever thanks to a horrifically bland jazz version of Rush's "Tom Sawyer."

Part one.

GREEN SLIME.

Part three.

UPDATE! Links wuz broke. Now they fixed.

Chocky

These guys, the Barbarellatones, sent SwaG! a CD.

It may be SwaG! worthy.

Apologies, Entertainment

I began the SwaG! PODcast!... and then my computer got sick. The recording of last Wednesday's SwaG! is in the computer. Once it gets fixed, we'll get it out. The computer might be fixed by this Wednesday. It might not. Life is full of entropy and chaos.

So here is some entertainment:

Indiana, We're Looking At You

SwaG PODcastS!

And now, SwaG!, brought to you through the infotechnological paradigm of the Internets!

WIDR is now broadcasting over the internets tubes, but what if you're not able to get to a computer on the exact time SwaG! is on? Fret no more. Below you can download or listen to an episode whenever you want, as long as it is the episode from April 23, 2008. Maybe more episodes will be recorded, it can happen.

Links and descriptions from the SwaG! website:

SwaG! Hour One: Here Mr. Guano starts off in a good mood, it having been a warm spring day. Hey kids, new Man Man, he teased, but then threw in some New Leviathan Oriental Foxtrot Orchestra. Then things got all gleeful loony tunes with Dogbowl. Frank Zappa swings things toward sardonic progressive rock, as Bat has a flash back to that dream where his ol' lady told him to get a job at a gas station. Then the Sparks song about dicking-around, which has nothing to do with penises, so it's FCC safe. Then some new band trying to sound like Queen or some such shit, and the new Dirtbombs. And some island hopping with Philippine lounge music, and tropical stuff. And, of course, punk rock.

SwaG! Hour Two: Otherwise known as Green Slime. In the "program within the program" Mr. Guano plays "The Most Unwanted Song," but refuses to say when he'll play it. The unwanted song is bookended by rare album cuts of Mason Williams, Can, Stereo Total, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Mo Tucker, Couch Flambeau, DEVO, Negativland, horrible cheezy '70s production music, and a mix of live Osmonds and live Paul Stanley of KISS doing his intros. The Osmonds are doing "Feelin' Allright" and Stanley is yelling, "ALLRIGHT! LISTEN! I WANT TO KNOW IF ANY OF YOU OUT THERE LIKE TO GET HIGH! LOTTA YOU PEOPLE TONIGHT GET ALL HHHHAAAIIIIIIGGGHHHH?!?" And that was the moment when Mr. Guano was pissing his pants, because he forgot the cardinal rule: What amuses him might not amuse the listener. But that shit really amuses him.

SwaG! Hour Three: The last hour of SwaG!, where Mr. Guano kills time. We open with the legendary "Squant" edition of the Crosley Bendix radio show from the Universal Media Netweb, then a bunch of hyper old punk rock, that evolves into cinematic music, Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra, and Coyle and Sharpe spreading the gospel of "Threeism." And Fred Lane. And a manly song about walking the world like a man. You gotta crack a smile to walk the world like a man. You got to stop a while and shake the hands of a man. And some punky glammy Elton Motello. And Bat Guano's famous closing remarks.

Damn Right We're Bitter

Someone stop him. He's making too much sense.

"I'm a college dropout, and I can read the damn thing and figure it out."

Listen!

You can now listen! To Bat Guano's SwaG! every Wednesday, 9 p.m. Eastern, or the rest of WIDR's programing at any time, on the WORLD WIDE WEBS once again! Go to WIDR and follow the instructions.

Muxtape

My Muxtape, why don't you listen to it.