New Favorite Site

One Man Safari, perfect for aimless Web wanderings.

Pictures

The Boat Lullabies

Secrets

Do you really want to know? Found this, which seems fitting after having watched this.

I really have no shocking secrets. Except for my underwear.

...all Spongebob.

Space!

You know how Homer in The Simpsons will have the image of some cartoon band playing a rinkydink tune inside of his skull, to show what's going on in there? This is what goes on inside my skull much of the time.

Radicals

I'm just thinking about how many who stumble on this page probably think I hate Republicans. I don't, really. But I miss the day when I could say that I don't agree with this or that Republican point of view, instead of saying WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE FREAKS!?!?

The GOP really is becoming an extremist party. Radicals either are in power, are trying to control the powerful, or are trying their best to gain control. They're looking to fundamentally change this country, not turn back the clock, but change it into something it's never been before. The gay conservative quoted in that link above is acting sort of like the canary in the coalmine, starting to choke on the noxious fumes that the rest of us just think of as a funny smell in the air.

We non-Republicans probably have little to fear, since this may all correct itself in November 2006. It could be the Republicans who are going to lose out, when they split in two - regular and Theocratic flavored. But hang on, it could get ugly.

He Hunches In Heaven

Hasil Adkins, RIP

"People told me they wondered how I could stick with it, so many heartaches and letdowns. I had 'em by the hundreds, millions I guess," Adkins said. "I said, well, I didn't start to quit."

Adkins, who claimed to have written more than 7,000 songs, first emerged hooting and wailing in the 1950s, only to disappear again. European fans kept the rock-a-billy rage alive, and when the Cramps did an early 1980s remake of Adkins' "She Said," his records suddenly became hot again.

What Adkins sang about was just as unique as his delivery, which was fueled by a 2-gallon-a-day coffee habit.

Ann Coulter Porn

Oh, golly!

‘Harder!’ she begged, ‘Harder!! Tell me what you think of Chomsky!’

‘I..think..he’s..brill..iant..but..I..don’t really agree with much of his stance on Israel, and--’

‘You’re slowing down!’ she snapped. ‘DON’T SLOW DOWN!’

It's just text, no pictures, thank God. But you might not want to read this at work.

Tom DeLay loves cigars...

...high quality, expensive, better-than-American, COMMIE cigars.

The Calvin College Rebellion

Go here, scroll down.

Bush will be giving a commencement speech in May to nice, safe, Christian Calvin College, in Grand Rapids (DeVos City), right in Michigan's bible belt.

But these Christians just don't want to play along ...

Professor Kenneth Pomykala, chair of Calvin College's Department of Religion (and a regular White House Briefing reader!) wrote to me that some members of the community "are unhappy with Bush's visit because we believe that Christian values require public policies that seek social justice, compassion for the disenfranchised, human rights, a commitment to peace, care and preservation of the environment, and honesty, say, from political leaders -- in short, policies opposed to the Bush agenda."

Pomkala tried to help me understand where Calvin fits into the Christian spectrum: "Calvin is confessionally Reformed/Presbyterian (in other words, Calvinistic -- no surprise there, I guess), with a much more positive view of the intellect and participation in the broader culture than is characteristic of American evangelicalism, much of which is anti-intellectual (e.g. 'creation science') and escapist (e.g. the Left Behind series), not to mention morally barbaric (e.g. opposition to stem cell research; anti-gay)."

See Our Commencement Is Not Your Platform for more.

Either graduates will have to sign a form showing support for Our President, George W. Bush, or Bush is going to cancel like a chicken. Otherwise, there may be some noise during the speech.

Nature Made A Mistake In Giving The Horse Brains

Your random image of the day.

I was looking for images of Marshall McLuhan...

Who's Gay For Oil?

Stolen from Atrios who uses the obvious "Man Date" tagline.

Coyle and Sharpe

Got the Coyle and Sharpe cd today.

Read about Coyle and Sharpe.

I Don't Want to Speculate, But...

Who was gay for Guckert at the White House?

In what is unlikely to stem the controversy surrounding disgraced White House correspondent James Guckert, the Secret Service has furnished logs of the writer’s access to the White House after requests by two Democratic congressmembers.

The documents, obtained by Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-NY) and Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) through a Freedom of Information Act request, reveal Guckert had remarkable access to the White House. Though he wrote under the name Jeff Gannon, the records show that he applied with his real name.....

Guckert made more than three dozen excursions to the White House when there were no scheduled briefings. On many of these days, the Press Office held press gaggles aboard Air Force One—which raises questions about what Guckert was doing at the White House.

On at least fourteen occasions, Secret Service records show either the entry or exit time missing. Generally, the existing entry or exit times correlate with press conferences; on most of these days, the records show that Guckert checked in but was never processed out.

Still Thinking About Clint Howard

Here's some "Rock 'n' Roll High School" trivia.

You know, this has been a strangely dull/not dull Saturday afternoon. Here, in Michigan, it's been snowing off and on. A few days ago it was over 80 degrees.

Someone called our house. They were in New Orleans, at the Jazz and Heritage Festival. I'm sure it was not snowing there. They held the cellphone up so we could hear the theremin solo during the New Leviathan Oriental Foxtrot Orchestra set. It sounded like we were hearing a concert from an alternate universe, where humans had settled with Martians on Mars in 1920, and were playing lovely music on our new green friends' strange and beautiful instruments.

Then I went to watch more Clint Howard. That's the kid of day this has been.

Mother Fuckers

Goddamned greedhead sons of bitches. Bullshitting shithead swine. Ghoulish, dead-fucking pimps and whores. Tax dollar sucking, flag fucking fascists and fat cats.

Oh, He's, Uh, That Guy. He Was In That One Movie, You Know...

"Rock and Roll High School," that's the movie I remember seeing Clint Howard in. Here's something more recent, and episode of the Clint Howard Show, where he talks about his hemorrhoids and interviews Johnny Ramone. It's not that recent a show, since Johnny is, you know....

There's another episode on his site where he talks to Fonzie, and his brother, Ron Howard.

How Come Nobody Tells Me These Things?

I'm quoted on the Shooby Taylor site.

Take a look at the video of Shooby on Live at the Apollo in 1983. I'm happy that we can see him do his thing, sad that it doesn't last long. What the hell is wrong with that audience?

Mission Accomplished

Gallup Finds 53% Feel Iraq War Not Worth It; Will Media Probe Why?

Chased by a Madman in a Russian Hotel

In all the coverage of Pope Rrrraht-tZzzingAR (pronounced with comical German accent), you may have missed that Bolton, who Bush wants to help heal the rift between the US and the UN with his soothing touch, ran into some trouble.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee set no new date for a vote, but a delay of at least two weeks seems likely while the committee looks into new allegations, including those of a Dallas businesswoman who says irate Bolton chased through a hotel and threw things at her at an international conference a decade ago....

Biden read from what he said was a letter from a U.S. Agency for International Development worker in Kyrgyzstan who alleged Bolton harassed her not sexually while he was in private practice representing a company.

"She's prepared to provide an affidavit. The letter she sent in, and I'm going to just take a second here, it says, `When I was dispatching a letter to AID, my hell began. Mr. Bolton proceeded to chase me through the halls of a Russian hotel, throwing things at me, shoving threatening letters under my door, and genuinely behaving like a madman. I eventually retreated to my hotel room and stayed there. Mr. Bolton then routinely visited me to pound on the door and shout threats.'"

Happy Ann Coulter Day!

Ten years ago today right-wing terrorists blew up a big building, killed a lot of people. Time Magazine celebrates by putting Ann Coulter on the cover. One of her many deep and profound quotes: "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

Bad Brains

Sing along... "Pay To Cum" I make decision with precision Lost inside this manned collision Just to see that what is to be Perfectly my fantasy I came to know with now dismay That in this world we all must pay Pay to write, pay to play Pay to cum, pay to fight And all in time, With just our minds We soon will find What's left behind Not long ago when things were slow We all got by with what we know The end is near. Hearts filled with fear Don't want to listen to what they hear And so it's now we choose to fight To stick up for our bloody right The right to sing, the right to dance The right is ours... We'll take the chance A peace together A piece apart A piece of wisdom From our hearts

Poultry Internet Is No Joke

At last, we can keep in touch with our chicken pets, through the Internets.

Go, see.

Frist

Cat-killer Frist, the doctor who has magical powers of diagnosis through video tape, joins with the Jesus Nazies.

Radio Desperation

I thought I invented the "train-wreck" music mix concept.

The rules guiding a Jack-formatted station are simple: Unlike a typical radio station, which regularly plays 300 or 400 hits of a particular genre, programmers on Jack stations select 700 to 1,000 songs of completely different genres. Then, they sequence them to create what radio programmers call "train wrecks" -- Billy Idol will follow Bob Marley, Elvis after Guns N' Roses, and so on. And Jack stations often (but not always) use a smart-alecky recorded voice, rather than a live DJ, to make short quips between songs.

....

Programmers hope the looser Jack format will show just how edgy and fresh they can be. "We're not going to be constricted by radio rules," says Peter Smyth, CEO of Greater Media, which owns 19 radio stations and debuted its first Jack station, Ben-FM, on Mar. 22 in Philadelphia. "[We're doing] all the things satellite companies say we'll never do."

Culture of Necrophilia and Cannibalism

New York Times opinion piece A Culture of Death, not Life is a cheery read for a sunny spring noon. But it makes me think that we're living through the rise not of a culture of death, but of a culture of necrophilia and cannibalism. Some seem to have an unnatural love for the dead and dying, and they seem to follow the old tribal custom of ritual consumption of the corpse in order to take on the magic and powers of the dead. Or in order to increase ratings and to sway certain groups in a political manner.

If you've been feeling queasy lately, you're not alone. It's a common reaction when confronted with those eat and screw corpses.

If you're listening to SwaG! tonight, you might miss the television event of the season:

This Wednesday the far right's cutting-edge culture of death gets its biggest foothold to date in the mainstream, when NBC broadcasts its "Left Behind" simulation, "Revelations," an extremely slick prime-time mini-series that was made before our most recent death watches but could have been ripped from their headlines. In the pilot a heretofore nonobservant Christian teenage girl in a "persistent vegetative state" - and in Florida, yet - starts babbling Latin texts from the show's New Testament namesake just as dastardly scientists ("devil's advocates," as they're referred to) and organ-seekers conspire to pull the plug. "All the signs and symbols set forth in the Bible are currently in place for the end of days," says the show's adult heroine, an Oxford-educated nun who has been denounced by the Vatican for her views and whose mission is underwritten by a wealthy "religious fundamentalist." Her Julie Andrews affect notwithstanding, she is an extremist as far removed from the mainstream as Mel Gibson, whose own splinter Traditionalist Catholic sect split from Rome and disowned the reforms of Vatican II, not the least of which was the absolution of Jews for collective guilt in the death of Jesus.

It's all too fitting that "Revelations," which downsizes lay government in favor of the clerical, is hijacking the regular time slot of "The West Wing." Perhaps only God knows whether it will prove as big a hit as "The Passion." What is clear is that the public eventually tires of most death watches and demands new meat. The tsunami disaster, dramatized by a large supply of vivid tourist videos that the genocide in Darfur cannot muster, was so completely forgotten after three months that even a subsequent Asian earthquake barely penetrated the nation's Schiavo fixation. But the media plug was pulled on Ms. Schiavo, too, once the pope took center stage; the funeral Mass her parents conducted on Tuesday was all but shunned by the press pack that had moved on to Rome. By the night of his death days later, even John Paul had worn out his welcome. The audience that tuned in to the N.C.A.A. semifinals on CBS was roughly twice as large as that for the NBC and ABC papal specials combined. The time was drawing near for the networks to reappraise the Nielsen prospects of Prince Rainier.

This evening's SwaG won't be a repeat of our last "culture of life" show. But do you really need a reason to hear songs like the immortal Jimmy Cross' "I Want My Baby Back"? I used to only play this for Halloween, now I want to hear it every day. Corpses and death are fun!

Atwood, Kansas, Gets Website Makeover

Atwood, Kansas, votes to take away rights from gays, pisses off gay webmaster of the town's web site.

I am sad to say that I will no longer consider Atwood my hometown. The next time someone makes a joke about Kansans being Rednecks, Hypocrites, etc. I will not defend it. Instead I’ll say, “you’re right”.

Mind Control Through Broadcasted Music And Narration

Get yours free today!

Radio Jingles

Lovely old radio jingles that were stolen and cut up by pirates.

Lowdown Dirty Music

Two under-the-counter dirty song from major R&B acts of the '50s and '60s. The Clovers sound like they're doing "The Rotten Cocksuckers' Ball" just as a gag, but Jackie Wilson and Lavern Baker are getting into their nasty nastiness.

FOXy Wolf Blitzer

... and Blitzer strolls up to the line, in his usual confident and slightly urgent manner, looks at the line, and crosses it.

Read This

Read this.

Sounds Like... Sounds Like....

...somebody stuck a vibrator up a squirrel.

Thank the Lord that some people save and share this stuff.

Napoleon Dynamite: "Awsome!"

Totzilla

See Neverland Ranch, Area 51, And Other Tourist Attractions

You've probably by now found your house on Google's new sat view, but here's some help in finding landmarks, secret bases, huge writings etched into the land, etc.

Yes, SwaG! is here. And I'm right here.

She Should Be With Daddy Praying Over The Pope

New York Post lets us know:

April 7, 2005 -- VIDEOTAPE of Jenna Bush in very high spirits at a bachelorette party is being sold and could end up on national TV by the end of the week. Luckily for Jenna, the cameraman missed "the high point . . . Jenna on all fours doing 'the butt dance' — and doing it very well — as guys were ogling her thong," said our source.

How Dirty Is DeLay?

In the late 1990s, DeLay did what he could to stop President Clinton from getting involved in that whole stopping Serbian genocide in Kosovo thing. (You might not remember, it was a war that didn't take a whole lot of US lives.)

Now were hearing about how DeLay took lots of money from Russian lobbyists to go to Russia and rub elbows. Russia was also hoping Clinton wouldn't harm those poor Serbs.

Poor Serbs. Hey, did you hear the one about the Serbian rape camps?

What do you think DeLay talked about with with the Russian security establishment in 1997 during his Russian-financed trip to Russia?

Wild Zero!

Guitar Wolf's film debut, "Wild Zero," on Netflix.

As this user says, "Propelled by the bombast music and heroic stature of Japanese punk band Guitar Wolf, "Wild Zero" is an explosion of anarchic energy, really nice hair, black leather, undead headshots, and fire shooting out of stuff."

A Big Explosive Fist Thrust Into The Sky

That's how Hunter S. Thompson will be memorialized in August.

"It's expensive, but worth every penny," Anita Thompson said. "I'd like to have several explosions. He loved explosions."

"Crotchety old Mr. Gruff, the Atheist goat who turns to coffee for solace instead of God"

I'm just having fun at my new fave site! (warning: unexpected animal noises, cute Christian slams at other religions)

If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood, TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.

Update: Likely to be an anti-Christian, anti-God, anti-Life hoax by theses heathens.

What He Said

Yeah.

Liberals have been hung for decades with the alleged radicalism and extremism of the new left of 35 years ago. But it's not as if we ever made Abbie Hoffman the majority leader of the House. Tom Hayden never ran for president. Today we have a corrupt GOP congressional leader who is now actively embracing a shift in the separation of powers and he's being supported by an active extremist constituency inside the Republican party. The fringe appears to be wielding a tremendous amount of power.

Some on the Internets...

... have started using the phrase "Buchanan Bukkake," but I refuse to stoop to their level.

The Kalamazoo Gazette just arrived. Buchanan is on the front page, covered in white goo.

I'm sure some will be crying about how Buchanan was attacked in an immature manner. Yes, what that punk did was immature, but it made me laugh.

But realize that the WMU College Republicans had not only scheduled Buchanan to speak on Cesar Chavez day, but they promoted it as a Cesar Chavez day event. That's kind of like having David Duke speak for a Martin Luther King Day event.

Hey, ya reap what ya sow.

Mohawked Assailant

WOOD-TV has photos of the salad-dressing attack unfolding. If anyone finds video, please mention so in comments below.

We Are The Champions...

Kalamazoo, be proud!

More on Billy

"I know Billy's up in heaven rocking out, keeping all those mother fuckers up at night. I bet he'll start a band with Joey Ramone and Elvis. He would love that." --Seiji, Guitar Wolf, on Goner Records site